hartsell

First before I forget, visit a site called Overheard In New York... at the least it's worth a laugh or two.

For anyone who doesn't know, I tutor English in Shinjuku (Tokyo) to a young girl named Akari. My professor at home knows her aunt so that's how I got into this gig - but the sweet thing is that her family and her aunt are cash money rich. They own a lot of real estate and if it means anything to you her aunt owns a whole floor of an apartment building across the street from Shinjuku station and has on display in her home objects (including a kimono, usually worth $20k-$100k) that are worth more than my life. I started tutoring her last year about a month after I arrived in Tokyo and I've been tutoring her about every Thursday since then. She's only 7 years old and cute as anything and she seems to be really enjoying the lessons but I can never tell. Something about Japanese people, whenever I ask her if she likes something she gets a sheepish look on her face, acts squeemish, then either says "....yes" or just keeps acting squeemish and I know it's a "no, but I don't want to say it." When I ask her if she likes English, she invariably answers positively but that's such a direct question as to whether or not I'm benefitting her that I really doubt she'd answer that she didn't even if she despised English. Ah, the tricks and traps of the Japanese psyche.

I also help her aunt out with various English chores - like reading over her grammar for the columns she writes in the Japan Times newspaper. Her aunt is about 40 and has a very powerful personality - in the sense that she's very accomodating to others and it's very easy to get along with her but at the same time you know that she's a tiger underneath. When my professor whom we are mutually connected with came to Tokyo for a few days she took us to an art exhibit in Roppongi Hills (ticket price is over $100) and then treated us to sushi dinner in Azabu at a very very very nice restaurant. If you've ever seen an anime where you are marveling at the industrial ingenuity of the artists - that was me at Roppongi Hills in the parking deck. You drive your brand new Mercedes through a cramped but deceptably expansive series of parking loops down into the VIP parking garage, where no expense was overlooked. You drive your car into a little enclosed area that looks a bit like a car wash, then you get out and hand the keys to the vallet driver...who doesn't really do anything because your car is swept by metal tracking on the floor into the wall that opens up to reveal an open space for your car. Your car slides into the rack, and the single massively tall rack is automagically raised to the next open space. Basically it's an entire stack of cars in the wall. Leaving was similarly magical - in fact I think an elf was the vallet on the way out.

This wasn't the only occurance of one of these situations - her aunt has done a lot for me so for New Years I wanted to write her aunt a Japanese New Years card, called 年賀状 or nengajou. Basically, you just write to them on a special postcard and say 'happy new year' and 'may you have a great year' and 'please treat me kindly this year as well' and the like. It's customary to send response cards back if you neglected to send one to someone who sent you one so I got a response back yesterday, check it out:



Isn't that like the cutest thing ever? I thought her aunt would send me a response back but she wrote me back herself (at least I certainly hope that wasn't her aunt!) and it was actually kind of touching :)

In the states we consider Spring Break to be a huge monkey wrench in the semester - you're halfway through classes and then...wha... you forget everything over the weeklong break. In Japan there's a similar thing over New Years break - after about three weeks of classes we had a two week break over Christmas and the New Year, then one day of classes followed by a three day weekend... all that makes it very not easy to be back to class today after the three day weekend...

Over the break I was offered half-price on a haircut so I jumped on it. It felt like it was time for a change but I had no idea what I wanted so I went through some magazine while the barber looked over my shoulder and pointed things out. He pointed to a picture of Brad Pitt and my thoughts were 'hell, I can pull that off better' so I told him to get to work right away. At least that's what I tell people. It really was a picture of Brad Pitt but I was somewhat nervous about it but it all turned out well in the end. I even got a little bit of a neck and shoulder massage out of the deal. So how much is a bottom of the price-bracket haircut in the outskirts of Tokyo?... at half-price about $20.

Over the break I realized how little programming I've done in a while. The following paragraph may or may not be boring as all get out. I worked at a web-based programming company shortly before going to Japan so I guess that means I'm not totally rusty but that was like the cheesiest of the cheesy programming jobs. Counting web-based Java experience as programming experience is like counting an American pre-schooler as a fluent English speaker - it's not like a flagrant false statement but it's just not entirely true. I can't say I represent everyone, but the work I did hardly dipped past the subconscious level of coding - not a whole lot of thinking involved. I think once the lead coder asked loudly in the office if static object code would lead to shared local memory within the called code scope, to which I assured him that although the object code is static and thus shared in memory, each instance of a function call will result in another stack frame with its own local temporary memory space and no there will be no collisions of variables. He gave me the 'huh?' look and I told him succinctly - 'no prob bob'. Don't get me wrong - he knew how to code, but coding is interesting when it's about about taking limitations and hacking your way around them or making a cool project, not when you're writing fourth-grader Java code. So I started back up on some OpenGL code but I'm almost literally down to zero. I haven't coded OpenGL in a loooong time and since my lappy crashed, all I have is a PDF from NeHe and a copy of DevShed's C++ compiler, granted the compiler is pretty sweet and comes with an OpenGL template.

So now I'm wondering what kinds of programming projects I can work on - I need a few simple projects to get going and I also need a few things I can demo to companies when I show them my resume. I had some cool ideas a month back or so but I either forgot to type them up or they got lost in the crash. I don't have internet for at least a week more so I'm also down to personal trial and error with things I forgot about in OpenGL :( I'll post a project soon if any come together.

After Christmas Day, I had a few days to kill before the big holiday - the New Year. In Japan, New Year's Eve is freakin a huge deal so I had a few expectations. Some were fulfilled and some were not. On the 29th I met up with Darcy the canuck and we went with some other foreigners to Roppongi - the sleaze/foreigner/night life/hookup capital of Tokyo. It's like the only place in Tokyo that's really awkward to be in, mostly because there are perhaps more foreigners than Japanese in the streets and they're all the kind you don't want to meet in the streets of a drinking district, let alone at 2am.

But, we had a plan - we headed straight for Club Vanilla which is right across from the subway station exit and hang out there all night. Club Vanilla is perhaps the nicest club in Roppongi and it's legitimate and fun to be in. Many other clubs are (a) not for foreigners (b) not for young people who don't have money (c) holes, and then there's (d) actual legitimate clubs. I've never been to clubs not for foreigners or poor students because they aren't advertised or even known by most foreigners. The ones you mostly know about are holes because as you walk down the street you'll get a Nigerian man in his 20's hand you a card for '500 yen entry with one free drink' into the club he's advertising (ie pulling people into). That's not an exaggeration in any sense - it *will* be a Nigerian man and he *will* hand you a card that says 'entry fee - 500 yen/1 drink'. It's like there's a pamphlet on how-to's that they hand out to people who open clubs in Roppongi. We always get roped into a few because we usually don't know where to go - we're just hitting the town for the night. Legitimate clubs like Club Vanilla don't advertise like this because it's already well known and they straddle the lines of 'foreigner friendly'. I say this because there's been nights when they card and on these nights they tend to card just foreigners and raise the age limit to 23 for guys to dissuade foreigners from coming there. It's kind of racial profiling but then certain nights it gets reversed and they offer foreigners (especially women) very cheap entry. Anyway, we had a great night dancing and wandering around the huge club.

For New Year's Eve, it's customary for Japanese to make their first shrine/temple visit of the year at about midnight and it's called hatsumode. Before I went to Meiji Jingu in Yoyogi to check it out I visited one of my favorites - Kanda Myoujin shrine in Kanda/Ochanomizu. I like this temple because it's not very well known and it's tucked away between large office buildings inconspicuously. Also, they have these little things called omikuji which are a *little* like horoscopes but more cultural and at Kanda Myoujin you can get them on these little folding fans. Basically you pay 100 yen (about a dollar) and randomly choose an omikuji and it tells you mostly about your luck. I've 'pulled' omikuji like 15+ times in my life and I overwhelmingly get 'good luck' results. Even more, over the past year and a half I've gotten about 6 or so at various temples and 5 of them have been literally the best one you can get, which I hear is somewhat rare. On New Years Eve I literally did get the *best* 'best luck' results possible and I just laughed... looks like another year of good luck so they say.

After this I took up a few friends' advice and visited Meiji Jingu shrine at New Years. I hear it's the one that most people in Tokyo go to and I wouldn't be all that surprised if that were true because there were tons of people there. I had to wait in the cold for a long time and in that time i figured out how to call my parents in the States from my cell phone which was kinda nice, although certainly expensive. When you visit these shrines you always throw money into a large box and then pray to the spirits of the shrine, Buddha, or whoever but the point is that there were crowd control police *everywhere* despite the fact that Japanese are like sheep even in a mob and the cobs standing in front of the box you throw coins into were wearing face masks and it was hilarious. They were wearing those little plastic riot masks and they were wearing them because you're supposed to throw a 100 yen coin into the box behind them (they're standing between the crowd and the shrine where the coin box is) and many people have very bad aim. I witnessed one cop get hit right square in the center of his mask and it scared the piss out of him for a half-second... it was priceless. Then I bought a charm for good health...but really just because I needed some kind of dangly thing to hang on my cell phone and I think I'm the last one to get one in the whole country...

Here's a random picture of my apartment. This is the loft that I pimped out and I just got that black table - which I'm really proud of. On my computer, that's a picture of Oscar posing over a toilet in a Vietnamese prison in case you already noticed it :D


So basically I'm really broke right now. Not in the sense that I have no money - in the sense that I have no access to money. It's not like I'll starve or completely run out of money, I have too many friends and there's other ways around getting money. It's mostly just the fact that I can't take money out of an ATM now and I still have to wait a few more days before they're operational again. It's really weird but the ATM's in this country actually shut down like shops. Like after, say, five or seven at night you can't withdrawl any cash from them. You can still use them to freakin pay your bills - you just can't get any money from them... how weird is that?! Also, they're closed on national holidays and that means they're closed until the 4th of January for the new year... seriously, I'm down to literally $1 of cash on me. I've been staying indoors and not doing anything so that I won't spend any money that I don't have... I tutored twice a few days before Christmas and that helped a ton because that was like $70 (for two hours of work, hell yeah!) and that coasted me through until now... where I'm sitting in my friend's room eating his instant ramen and peanuts and apple juice and using his computer. I am literally down to searching my apartment for pocket change - I was saving a 100 yen piece along with some currency for a few other countries but it may become a McDonald's cheeseburger if the need arises. McDonald's is awesome in Japan btw. But almost all transactions are done in cash and not all that many places (relative to the States) take cards so I'm shit out of luck without cash for the moment.

I'm not even sure my money will hold out too long once I get access to it again... I need my freakin financial aid for this semester :( I'm sure my parents will help out when things go grim but I'm trying to move away from depending on them - especially since I'm in another country and I'm totally on my own with everything. Oh well, I have enough cup ramen to last for a few weeks. Maybe I'll just mooch off of Pacho...who's computer I'm using at 4 in the morning... geez I need to go to bed...

here i am. tightly wound and tied in a small, neat package. by handwriting alone, my entire personality becomes unfolded before you...





The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.


What does your handwriting say about YOU?

*=MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL=*

I hope everyone is having a warm and happy holiday - at least mine were happy! It's cold in Tokyo and I hadn't anticipated staying during the winter so now I don't have too many clothes for the colder times. I'm slowly stocking up with new winter clothes but that stuff is expensive in this city so it takes a while. Anyway, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all out there!

On Christmas Eve, I went over to Pacho's apartment where I met Yuuko, Cobb, Katriana, and Pacho and we all watched Finding Nemo. I brought Pacho over some Sparkling White Wine and I got myself a small bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke from the convenience store and we all brought in the holiday with cheer and a little animated fish. I crashed back at my apartment later on and on Christmas morning I exchanged presents but it was mostly uneventful.

Since then, I've been wandering around town because I don't have much else to do... I went to Harajuku last night and got a few clothing items - a ginormous scarf, a really thick sweater, and a pair of jeans. Clothes are expensive :( But the sweater is seriously thick... it's almost a jacket and it's half wool so I expect it to be warm as balls. The scarf is at least 10-12 feet long and a foot wide as well as an inch thick... no joke. I have to wrap it around my neck a minimum of twice and it still hangs low, where it wobbles too and fro. I can tie it in a knot, I can tie it in a bow. But seriously, big freakin warm scarf.

My internet situation is really bad. The school closed for the holidays, and I mean *closed*! There ain't shit open, and that means the library - my former hub of internet usage - is totally dead. Pacho was nice enough to let me to sneak into his room and use his computer for a while. I dunno what I'll do other than that. There's a rumor that one of the train stations near my apartment has a Manga Coffee Shop where you can rent a room and drink coffee, read manga, and use the internet 24 hours a day... I may look into that. Until mid-January at least I am internet-less in my apartment...

After Oscar came back from Thailand, he stayed at my place for a week and a half because of obvious financial reasons. It was a pain a lot bc my new place is small and I want to keep it clean - but he's a really liberal Englishman and doesn't see the benefits of a clean apartment. Maybe I'm being just a little anal, but on top of wanting things clean I hate to clean up after someone else's messes. It was stressing at times but I held it together and it turned out alright. Before he left, we all went out to throw him a parting party and we invited a lot of people to go out for a last crazy night with the whole crew minus Akira.

We of course went to an izakaya and then karaoke, Oscar's favorite thing in the world. Eriko, Naoko, and Yoko were really cute as they sang along to girly Japanese songs that just about no one else understood. Like always, me and Oscar duetted on some cheesy Guns 'N Roses songs as well as some Rolling Stones. Oscar got pretty toasted and it being his last night I guess he got a little pushy, very rare for him. He started saying things like "who picked this song?? SKIIIIIP!" and skipped people's songs. The funniest and most embarassing thing was that no one realized until later that he skipped *all* of Eriko's songs - and it was the first time she ever hung out with us... That reminds me, I need to send her an apologetic email...

Oscar left my apartment at 4:30am and tried to wake me. In Thailand he started calling be 'The Buddah' because I could fall asleep in any situation and any position and I'd have this really peaceful deep-sleep look on my face. Also, he says the English pronounce it like "buh-dah" instead of "boo-dah" bc it's a short 'u'... whatever, I just don't remember him waking me up so I didn't get to say goodbye.

The university is closed for the holidays until January 6th because New Year's is a freakin huge deal here. Most of my friends are out of town travelling or went back home to spend the time with their families so I'm down to about 4 friends... Also, me and Darcy were recouting in a coffee shop just yesterday how little of the original group is left. It used to be Oscar, Darcy, Akira, Clem, Todd, Cobb, Zack, and me... but Oscar and Akira, the most lively and original two, have gone back home for good and Todd defected to another group of friends. Now it's really just me and maybe Clem calling the nights out and Clem's in Kyoto and Zack is doing who knows what. The five of us that lived together all saw it coming - Oscar, Akira, Clem, Darcy, and me. We knew Oscar and Akira were going home but now that it's happened we're all somewhat fazed and waiting to see what happens... It's like the head and heart were taken out of our social group and we're in shock trying to see who will take their place as the dust settles.

It's sad because you realize that at times like these things will change and they'll never be the same again. There's so many times in our lives when we have something special and we should really learn to appreciate it while it lasts, because it won't last. The good news is that both Oscar and Akira are really social and keep up with emails, and Oscar will most likely come back during the summer after he graduates. Possibly Akira too - I sure hope so.

I've been in my new apartment for two weeks to the day...almost to the hour. It's really starting to fill out and I'm really happy with it - despite it being freakin tiny. Probably the hardest thing is furnishing it with the limited funds I have but some other guys told me about a used furniture shop in the area called "Recycle Shop" with free delivery so I've been going there every so often. They get new things all the time so I keep hoping they get what I need.

I decided to buy a small couch that folds out into a bed and I'm really enjoying it despite how much it cost (don't ask). I also got a brand new bed frame, mattress, and roll-away drawers for underneath it. From the "recycle shop" I got a fridge, washing machine, rice cooker, end table, small chest of drawers, tiny rug, fold up table, and an entire collection of Doraemon comics. Seriously, I don't know what the comics were doing at the shop but I got books 1-42 and 45 for less than $4. How could I pass that kind of deal up?

I'm finally almost over my cold, and it's starting to feel less cold. I dunno if that's because it's really less cold or because I'm getting my winter skin. That's good too bc the next two nights will be some seriously busy nights (=drinking) but hopefully we'll be out all night and come back when it's not so cold in the morning. Tomorrow night is the tennis formal and I'm looking forward to it - especially since I had to pay about $100 to go. I hadn't actually entered the club yet though, so that was about $25 of it and covers the previous drinking party as well as court costs, lighting, and racket and shoe free rentals. I also get to wear my brand new suit to the party so I'm really looking forward to it!

Oscar came back from Thailand on the 10th, one week after I came back. I told him he was free to crash with me so he's been at my place ever since. He's a cool guy and we get along well but I have a lot of expectations for my apartment so it's becoming a little frustrating. Maybe it's because he's European or half Swedish or something but he just doesn't give *a shit* about a lot of things and it's hard for me to call him out on it because I don't want to be an ass to my friend, especially when he's been a good friend to me. Just like my place is really tiny and I spent a lot of money on the things I am furnishing it with so I want to keep them in good condition and I want my apartment to be really clean. He doesn't take too much care with things and he's not really tidy and with the size of my apartment it's going to quickly turn into a real mess if that keeps up. Also, power bills in Japan are high so I'm trying to conserve energy whereas he doesn't seem to care. It's just like he values immediate comfortability over anything else and that's just about opposite of my views. But he's leaving for Sussex, England in about three days so I'll just be patient and keep an eye out.

A week ago I emailed Eriko out of the blue. She was a Japanese girl who was a student all four years at my university (North Carolina!) and now she works for Morgan Stanley in Ebisu district in Tokyo. She invited me out to Ebisu so I met her at a coffee shop and she took me to a nice Italian/French restaurant. The lamb there was amazingly amazing. It was just freaking good and not really all that expensive for how good the food was. The vibe of the place was a weird fusion of neo-hippy and rich yuppie so I wasn't sure what to think but the view and location and food was incredible. I highly recommend it. Just go to Ebisu station (one stop south of Shibuya on the Yamanote line), exit through the East exit and immediately turn right out of the ticket gates, follow the "skywalk" escalator floors until they dump you outside, cross the street in front of you, immediately turn left and follow that street until you come to another street crossing, the restaurant is called "Rue..." something but it's a red building on the corner and you can't miss it. It would be a great place to take a date I'm thinking...

Other than that, not much is going on. Winter here seems to be really slow but very pretty and a feeling I haven't had since I was young. Something about being in Tokyo is very different from the feeling I have in the States. I've been discussing with people a bit recently about why I like Japan, Tokyo specifically, and I'm hesitant to explain because people always ask me and it's not something you can just package up and convey. And even if you spend time here you may not like it or get the same feeling that I do - it's really about how well it fits you as a person. So far I think it fits me really well but I'm planning on giving it a few years and then I'll figure out what to do from there. I know I seem busy now, but Eriko and I agreed that once I land a job I will look back with wonder on all the free time I had as a student. It's really depressing but then I think of the income and it just may balance out :-P

Last night was pretty cool. To start, I woke up on my new apartment's wooden floor because...well I don't have any furniture yet. I then missed my friend's shamisen recital (weirdo 4 string japanese 'guitar') but that was alright bc I needed the extra time to move. My friend rented a car and we went to the furniture store with Oscar and I bought a couch. A tiny couch that folds out into a bed. It's freakin awesome though. I also got a weird floor chair that is comfy as all get out. As all freakin get out. Then I finally moved all my things from my friend's places where I stached them before heading to Vietnam. Man, all the sudden I want some chocolate. That has nothing to do with anything, but I ate ramen for lunch and it left a salty taste in my mouth and I really need something sweet...

Then I met Zack at Musashi Sakai station and we headed to Harajuku to hit up a club called Crocodile. Harajuku is the place where all the freaks in Tokyo hang out. Well, all the freaks of a certain style - the lolita girls, goth lolita, goth... basically they look like a depressed clown dressed them (check this out NEW WINDOW). Although, usually they are super duper freakin cute Japanese girls and they can pull that kinda shit off without looking like a freakin retard. However, one white girl in my class thinks she can also get away with it because she is white and therefor somehow special in Japanese society... *EEHHN* WRONG! Today she wore ginormous moon boots platformed at about 5 inches, white cotton socks loose so they fall down to her ankles, what looked like a black tutu, and usually she wears what looks like a black sea captain's jacket. Also, her hair is straight and long and has two lenghts - her bangs are uniformly cut to the length of where her eyebrows would be if she hadn't shaven them off, and everywhere else is about six inches past her shoulders. In short, she's going to look back herself one day and jump in front of a train from shame. Enough of this tangent - the point is that Harajuku is one heck of a freak magnet and even white chicks dig into it.

So after we walk past "Goth Bridge" we get a little lost but Zack has GPS navigation on his phone. You know how most people who own a Lincoln Navigator are so proud of their classy car and navigation system? Japanese phones come with that standard...and it's better.....bitches. All he did was enter the club's name and the phone downloaded a local map street level and gave us the quickest path from where we were so we giggled as we strolled past the several story store called Condomania and walked up to the club Crocodile.

The first thing I noticed was that this isn't what most people think of when they hear the word 'club'. It's a proper club with live music, seating, a bar, classy service, food, and some seriously hot and classy women. There were also crocodile props all around and I couldn't hear a thing bc the place was proper small and the live band was proper loud. We had gotten in free because Zack knows ("knew" *nudge nudge wink wink*) the singer of the second band - I don't even want to guess what the tickets would have cost if we had to pay for them. I bumped into Zack's friend Miwako backstage again before she went on and she was really cool. She spoke great English and at this point I was just a little loose enough so that my Japanese was flowing so I dazzled her with my 5th grade level Japanese. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the horse can do math.

Then when Miwako's band went onstage, Zack's other friend Nobu showed up with his mistress Ai. Nobu is a big man, let alone a big Japanese man. He stands a good 6'5" and is over 220 lbs solid. Japanese people tend to be slim so the fact that this guy can pump up to 220 lbs is pretty incredible bc he didn't look pudgy in the slightest. He was really cool too, although his mistress was sitting between us so I talked with her most of the time. She was really freaking gorgeous and had been a cheerleader for the San Francisco 49'ers for a few years until recently when she came back to Tokyo to open a cheerleading school. Wow, did I mention she's hot? She was a properly classy woman too, needless to say I shamelessly flirted with her but we both knew it was all in good fun so it was a great time.

After the music finally stopped, between the ringing in my ears Nobu and I got to chat a bit. I'm the youngest in the group (Nobu is 35, Zack is 30, Ai is 29, Miwako was 35) and I'm cursed with a baby-face so it was a bit awkward at times. But then again I've always gotten along really well with people a bit older than me so I was used to it by now and I had a great time. Nobu told me I look like one of the guys from a Japanese pop band called SMAP (your guess is as good as mine NEW WINDOW) and my voice sounded like Edward Norton... silly Japanese. I told him I was a bit sick so my voice is all weird and he needed to stop hitting on me, heheh.

Nobu left by subway and that left Zack, Ai, and me to take the trains back. Zack and I teamed up on Ai and asked her all kinds of questions on the train - where she's from, how she liked San Francisco. Then Zack told us some insane story about the worse vommit scene he's ever seen in Japan. Because drinking is the national past-time and everyone commutes on public transit, there's a lot of businessmen and even young chicks vomitting all over the place every once in a while. Japanese also don't seem to understand the idea of pacing yourself. The story goes a little something like this:

Zack bounced down the stairs to the platform just as the last train of the night pulled up at about 1am in central Tokyo on the Chuo Line - easily the most crowded line in Tokyo. The lines are staggeringly long and they have trainmen standing prepared with their white gloves to pack everyone in bc this is their last chance to get home and they damn well better get on the train. By this time of night, you will undoubtably run into some people who have just drunken more than their fair share of spirits. Zack saw one such woman - very young, cute to a fault, and dressed like she came from old money. She was near the back of the line with her two friends and just as the train men finally succeeded in shoving all five million drunk japanese onto the train, her eyes shoot open and she gets a funny look on her face. Everyone has seen that look before - it's the 'oh shit, here it comes' look and usually comes right before getting kicked out of a cab. So she made a bolt for the door, shoving some people aside while others saw her face and jumped out of the way. Just as she gets to the door, it closes as she was bending over to puke off the train. Instead of sticking her head out to let it rip - her hair gets caught in the door, locking her head at about a waist height level. At this point her mouth bulges and she vomits - bllaauhghuhg all over the inside window. Zack was watching all of this from the platform because he was waiting on the last train going a different direction opposite. So as the train is pulling away he sees from his perspective a really hot chick with her hair stuck in the door projectile vomitting all over the door's interior windows. The worst part is - she's stuck in that position until the next stop when she can finally pull her head free when the doors open, however, she's stuck standing in her own puke for a good 40 minutes to possibly two hours depending on how far away she lives.

As I was grabbing my sides in laughter, he also told me to check out a site called www.boners.com - which I just checked out and it is *definitely* not what you're probably thinking. It's like www.engrish.com but it's more crude I think. Then came the 30 minute bike ride home from Mitaka station at midnight. I'm so glad I stumbled the right direction bc it would have suuuucked to be stuck in the cold much longer... colds suuuuuuuuck!!

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In January I turned maikeru_desu in for public urination (3 points). Then in February treegap_nymph and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Sunday I didn't flush (-1 points) after eating at a Mexican restaurant (-1,000 points). In November I caught a purse-snatcher who stole paul_gabriel's pink frilly purse (30 points). Last Tuesday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, sulfababy (-5000 points) and the rest of the Smurfs :(... Last Friday I ran a busload of nuns off a cliff in Angola (326 points)...but a few of them survived and started a fist fight (-60 points). In October I ruled Asscrackistan as a kind and benevolent dictator with free twinkies for all (700 points). In February I got in line at the supermarket and bought a romance novel (-8 points)...then memorized some lines and used them on Valentine's Day (-200 points). In June I gave paul_gabriel a kidney (1000 points)...but he didn't really need it and it wasn't mine anyway (-10 points). Last Wednesday I pulled over and changed olbaid's diaper (15 points). In April I punched rigabamboo in the arm (-10 points) and then laughed at her when she said 'owwww' (15 points). In July I bought porn for gummybeararmy (-10 points) but she said it was just for the articles (5 points). In September I helped maikeru_desu see one of those 'cross your eyes and step back until it focuses' pictures (8 points)...but he went blind in the process (-80 points). Last week I helped maikeru_desu hide a body (-173 points) under his porch next to the moonshine. In February I turned gummybeararmy in for eating carbs (3 points) and then stole her sandwich as the police carted her off. Last month I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points) but immediately excused myself and was grossed out bc someone had neglected to flush the toilet and it looked like Mexican :-X Last Tuesday I donated bone marrow to rigabamboo in a life-saving procedure (300 points)...but I had stolen it from her in the first place (-300 points). In October sulfababy and I donated cheese-whiz to the needy (11 points) and we took turns doing "cheese-whiz stands" while no one was looking (-1 point). Last Saturday I stole paul_gabriel's purse (-30 points)...then turned myself in because I already had his pink frilly one from before. In May treegap_nymph and I robbed a bank again (-50 points)...but this time all we took were the lollipops and Calvin & Hobbes books from the waiting area and some brochures about term life insurance. In October I put gum in uncreatedlight's hair (-12 points) and told him a mixture of mayonaise, vinegar, and peanut butter would get it out just fine (-30 points). In October I committed genocide...again. Sorry about that, gummybeararmy (-5000 points). In November I set maikeru_desu's puppy on fire (-66 points) but quickly doused the fire out with barbeque sauce and a fork. In March I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as an almost benevolent dictator and renamed the town 'McAwesomeville' (200 points). Last Thursday I bought porn for paul_gabriel (-10 points)....for the fifteenth time(-15 points). Last Saturday I pulled over and changed Mrs. Claus' flat tire (15 points) and then got her digits (-1,000,000 points). Overall, I've been *naughty* (-5018 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking and a restraining order from the missus! Sincerely, hartsell

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from saigon to phnom pehn to bangkok.

That morning, we boarded a bus for what seemed to be a huge mistake. Instead of coughing up $200 to fly over Cambodia for an hour long flight, we decided (read 'were forced') to take the cheaper route and pay $24 for the two day bus ride through Cambodia, plus $25 for the necessary visa to enter Cambodia.

It started with a four hour bus ride on a crappy highway to the border, the same route used yesterday to reach the Cao Dai temple. At the border we got off the bus and unloaded our bags to go through the border, Vietnam side first. I somehow jettisoned through but everyone else was held up bc some Vietnamese kept showing up and would skip *everyone* in line and I think I ended up waiting for about an hour for my three friends to come through. Assholes of Vietnam unite.

Then finally we were between the Vietnam and Cambodia check point gates and we had to buy a Cambodian visa on the spot to enter. Shit happens and it happened here. The guide had said it was cool to pay by card so me and Darcy didn't bother to pull out more cash to cover the cost - big mistake. Rule #1: you can't trust *anyone* from South Eash Asia. Rule #2: Especially Vietnam. We eventually found a Swedish guy and Oscar, being half Swedish and knowing the language, convinced him that we would pay him back bc we were on the same bus and we'd see him later on. I did get a cool full page sticker visa on my passport though :)

After four more hours on a different bus we landed in Phnom Penh, the capitol of Cambodia. I swear I was asked by every Cambodian I came into contact with if I wanted weed. It's not entirely legal in Cambodia, only if used in preparing food so there's a lot of 'happy' food dishes and you can also buy it from just about *anyone*. But I don't smoke so I just kept saying "no thank you" and "i'm allergic my lungs will explode" and "actually i don't breathe, I'm a robot" and "no, I prefer real drugs that give you street cred, like elmer's glue" and on and on. Our 'hotel' was on the river and the walkway over water to get to it was literally made of scraps of wood and metal fences - imagine coming home after a night out to that...in the dark...

We hit the closest internet cafe and after $20 in internet phone charges and $100 on my credit card, Letisha got her flight delayed and Oscar convinced some baboon of an Indian lady to switch our flights. It literally took Oscar 39 minutes to explain to the Indian lady that (a) two of the travelers in our group just want to swap flight dates and (b) it is possible and we were told it was free before. 39 minutes. Seriously - why do our companies keep outsourcing human relations jobs to people that can't speak the language and aren't familiar with the business?? I definitely bought Oscar a few beers after that bc he deserved them. I was then guaranteed to be back in time to register and get ready for the next semester in Tokyo...awesome! So that night we hit Phnom Penh bars and a local house party with the other backpackers and it was awesome to hang out with them bc they were from all over. Probably the funniest was a guy from just outside of London who sounded *just* like Turkish from Snatch. Phnom Penh is in my opinion better than all of Vietnam.

The next morning it was back onto a bus for 10 more hours. Our hotel guy forgot to wake us up so we held the bus up a bit bc someone woke us up when the bus came to get us... The reason the bus ride was so long was bc the roads of Cambodia are in fact worthless as shit and full of holes and narrow and under construction and etc - I'd say we hit 30mph tops every once in a while. But it's better than the boat ride through Cambodia - Oscar said the sink rate was about 20% and the rate of losing your luggage was about 60%...

At the Thailand border we saw a (not so) hilarious sign - it said something about anyone being caught with drugs will immediately be guilty and sentenced to life imprisonment or executed. They didn't search us bc I think they were more into stopping Cambodians from trafficking drugs bc it's semi-legal in Cambodia and fucking illegal as hell in Thailand. From there we were traveling in style - a double decker bus that was no more than 5-7 years old with blasting air conditioning. All in all I slept about 2/3 the time on the roughly 24 hour bus trip by the time we hit Bangkok. And the entire time we had some unbelievably bitchy Danish girls behind us. My new bitch hierarchy in ascending order is: Chinese, American, English, Australian, and holy shit you bitch Danish. Of course, as a general rule the French trump anyone.

Darcy and I had one night in Bangkok before our flight so we decided to hit up the market for some necessary items before we left - souvenirs and the necessary cd booklet so we could hide our faked dvd's easier and claim they were real if found by Japanese customs. We couldn't find the cd booklet so we left the dvd's with Oscar to post to us but we did meet an interesting Thai guy. He kept pointing out who was a lady boy to us and it was freaky. He said locals can tell lady-boys apart from real ladies whereas foreigners could not and we were freaked out by that. Basically, most chicks standing around by themselves are prostitutes and almost certainly lady-boys. He pointed out a chick right near us who he swore was a lady-boy and Darcy and I couldn't believe it. She looked and walked like a woman but he said he knew for a fact and could tell she was or had been a man. Transvestites - more than meets the eye. We sadly but hilariously saw one guy who thought he was a badass for being pawwed at by one hot 'chick' start making out with her in the street after our buddy had just pointed 'her' our as a lady-boy. We just left him to figure it out on his own or live in ignorace...

We then hit up a 'bar' that was really just a VW bus cut in half and parked in a gas station parking lot. We got hit on by every gay homosexual (as the English kept saying) and Darcy was loving it. Evidently he loves attention from any angle, and there's a lot coming from that angle in Bangkok. For our last drink in Bangkok, we plopped down on some giant mats on a side street and enjoyed a few nice beers with the locals in the makeshift 'bar'. At this point I decided that Bangkok, more specifically Khaosan road, is just one massive street party and it's the most fitting description I can come up with so far.

Straight from the mats we hailed a taxi, chucked our junk in the back, and me and Darcy said our temporary goodbyes to Letisha and Oscar, and winked our 'good luck' to Oscar as he and Letisha would be spending the next week alone in beach paradise down south. I have yet to hear from him even after being back in Tokyo for a few days, so I can only hope for the best.

We pretty much slept the entire 6 hour flight and it felt unimaginably good to be back in civilization. Not just civilization but Tokyo, Japan. I really got used to how things are done here and South East Asia was just about the opposite of everything Japanese. On the way towards Mitaka (where we live) Darcy lagged behind and I lost him at Shinjuku station so I just hailed a taxi and showed up at my buddy Cobb's place and crashed there for the night. I even made class registration in time, awwwriiight.

My plan for first day of class - black suit, brown leather shoes, and purple silk shirt.

Been in Saigon, Vietnam for a few days now. After a hectic departure from Hoi An in the north we had to fly down to Saigon, now affectionately called Ho Chi Minh City. I'm never seen so many commies on bikes - and they *do* wear those stereotypical communist uniforms (as seen here).

We really needed to get out of Hoi An bc it was a money drain with all the tailor shops and everything. The funny thing is we were told that the south of Vietnam was far worse than the north and after spending time in Hanoi and it being such a hassle we were prepared for the worst...only to find that it was actually pretty great. In fact, the taxi driver took us exactly where we asked him to take us and didn't try to charge us more than we agreed on. Plus, he didn't try to take us to every hotel on the way...the only thing was some guy greeted us outside the cab and tried to get us to stay in his hotel. It seemed like a deal so we got his card and he actually stopped pestering us...very very different from the north so far.

We were starving getting out of the cab so we saw a place called Lotteria that I remembered being from Japan (...i think) and we chucked our bags down right in the restaurant and looked hungry. It must have worked bc an employee immediately ran up to us on the second floor carrying a menu and asking for our order. He manner was very polite and even spoke English pretty well and handed us the menu with both hands. It was almost to the level of Japanese service. So were the prices though, although the burgers tasted a bit like cardboard.

After booking at the hotel, we went out to hit the clubs but it was a bad deal. Oscar likes to get up and go but the others you have to push a bit bc Darcy is perhaps *the* vainest man on earth and Letisha is, well... a woman, so they both take forever. By the time we headed out it was already about 10:30pm and we didn't even know where the bar was so we ended up standing in the street asking every cabby for a certain bar's location. Although to be honest, the bar we were searching out was a Japanese bar called Soho and had a real shark tank - we wanted to put our new suits to use in proper style after all. Instead though, we ended up at some overpriced bar on the rich side of town where the prices were higher than home and the atmosphere was *dead*. Me and Darcy decided to bail bc it was boring so we hit up the place next to our hotel that was freakin loud but served western (ie safe) food. This place was literally *right* next to our hotel and blared live cover bands all night... fun fun.

Vietnam is one communist son of a bitch country. When we visited the war museum the next day, I didn't know whether I should laugh at how ignorant they are or be frustrated. The museum was really just a large compound that was mostly encompassed by a single large room and was dedicated to the Vietnam War (which they call the American War). The displays showed mostly pictures and some actual weaponry from the Vietnam War and some descriptions on plaques under them. On one panel you have a quote from the Declaration of Independence about "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" and follows with a description about how the Americans tried to carry out a race based genocide of the Vietnamese people. Later on it showed an American soldier holding up (looked like he was moving) the dismantled body of a man who had been hit by a grenade launcher shell and the caption said the soldier was smirking to himself over his kill when the guy in the picture was very obviously not smiling at all and looked pretty disgusted/uncomfortable. Basically, the Vietnamese seem to be being taught that the Americans carried out so many attrocities and saw the Vietnamese as less than human and destroyed lives and land without any reason or care. Not only were there no mentions of anything wrong the Vietnamese did, but the museum gave the impression that the Vietnamese nation as a whole was rising up valiantly to thwart off a foe who invaded with superior technology and no care for life. I'm just glad some people I talked to from other countries picked up how one-sided the display was but I'm just afraid people will believe it.

That night Darcy and Letisha went to a dinner theatre show so me and Oscar decided to hit the town and find a nice bar/restaurant. We ended up on the shady part of town by the river and definitely walked right through their version of makeout point. Then when we were sitting down on a bench two little girls walked up and tried to sell us raw spring rolls filled with vegetables and rice. After trying a few the girls, one about seven and one about ten, started trying to communicate with us but didn't speak English. Oscar got out his phrase book and it was snatched by the girls and they started looking through it to find some way to communicate with us. We figured they were just young and wanted to see what foreigners were like so we played along and tried to figure out what they were saying. The older one made a drinking gesture and then a sleeping gesture and we figured she was asking if we were looking for a bar and if our hotel was near or something. But neither understood any English so we pointed to the book... she found the phrases/words 'ring on finger', 'dinner', 'tour', 'disease', 'five hours', and several others and it really didn't help at all. Maybe it's bc I'm a dirty dirty man but all of the words seemed like they could be taken sexually - do you have a wedding ring/wife, do you want to go for dinner, shall we 'tour' you around, do you have any diseases, five hours will cost this much, etc. She also scribbled what looked like a name and phone number onto her hand and I joked that I was being hit on by a little girl. But we looked at one another and said, 'no, it cant be that..they're far too young' and Oscar said we should bail bc it was useless trying to communicate and everything they did seemed random. Then the little girl saw we were going to leave and got an idea - she took a spring roll from the other girl and holding it in both hands she stuck the end into her mouth and bit off a piece...but the way she did it was almost certainly phallic and freaked us the hell out. We looked at one another in disbelief and said in unison, "let's bail now!" I'm not positive, but I really think they were asking if we would buy them for five hours for sexual favors...and that was plenty enough to get the hell out of there.

We wandered away pretty quick and stumbled upon a hole-in-the-wall joint that said 'Lao Beer' and Oscar was convinced that was where we needed to go. We orded some food and one 'jug' of beer each and despite that it wasn't a proper restaurant we were treated like kings. The jugs were brought with glasses and the waitress poured our beer for us and then stood off to the side a bit, then whenever our beer got down a little she would come over and fill it back up. The same happened with the food - she brought one large plate of food and two bowls and whenever our bowls were anywhere near half empty she would fill them back up for us. It was really hilarious and actually we were really impressed so we gave them a monstrous tip - the meal was about $6.50 total and we tipped about $4 between us. The beer jugs, about 1.5-2 liters each, were $1.25 each too so we split three of them! Even for Japanese standards this was incredible service and the fact that it was in a hole in the wall joint on the shady part of town in Vietnam really was unexpected... I'm guessing it had a bit to do with us being foreigners but other Vietnamese were being treated almost equally well so maybe not after all.

The next day we had booked a full day trip to the Cu Chi tunnels and the Cao Dai temple. We boarded a small tour bus and headed off west near the Cambodian border where the temple was. Our tour guide was a hilarious Vietnamese man of about 45 years and his English was really good even though he called it 'basic english'. The Irish guy next to me almost died from laughter every time our guide would say in his slight accent phrases like "take a chill pill" and "you snooze you lose". Like it was straight from a cliche book, our tour bus blew a tire about halfway there and we got dropped off for a bit at a cafe while the driver got the tire fixed. Then about an hour later the tire blew again but we were close to we kept going bc there are dual tires in the back. Of course, about a mile from the temple the second tire blew and one side was on the rim so our tour guide quickly said "we leave the bus here" and we hoofed it the last mile or so in time to make it late to the noon service at the temple. The tour guide explained Cao Dai religion to us a bit - it's a mix of buddhism, hinduism, christianity, and confucsianism. They have three saints - one is Victor Hugo, a French poet... It was all pretty weird, but the service was very interesting with mostly gongs banging every few minutes and people praying in the colorful temple.

Finally our bus was fixed and we headed off to the town of Cu Chi to see the tunnels. The tunnels were used during the Vietnam War to hide from the Americans, seek shelter from bombs, cover distances unnoticed, and carry out ambush attacks. They were built during the war with France in the 40's I think and during the American war they were expanded to cover hundreds of kilometers! The Vietnamese are kinda small people so the tunnels were very very small - we're talking hands and knees at best. And they were booby trapped in some really sick and freaky ways that I can't begin to explain. Here's a site with pics and a little detail. And yes, I did shoot an M-16 at the firing range there! :-D

When we got back finally, I went across the street and bought about 50 dvd's at $1 a piece. I left them with Oscar to post to me in Japan bc I was afraid customs would find them and with so many they may decide to charge me with trafficking. Also, I had convinced Letisha that I do need to go back early to register and handle things in Tokyo so she agreed to switch flights with me and we tried to handle it but with dodgy Vietnamese internet phones and the airline using outsourced Indian phone operators it was useless so we gave up for the time being. We also found out that flying to Bangkok like we had planned would cost upwards of $200 so we booked a bus through Cambodia instead for about $24...for a two day trip by bus :(

I was happy to be finally leaving Hanoi. Hanoi is a giant hole in the wall and the food is questionable, the people are friendly to your wallet and scam you left and right, and the whole city is a shithole. My Australian buddy Clem told me "oh yeah, Hanoi's awesome...yeah, I mean it's a shithole and people will literally shit in the gutter but it's awwwesome!"

We left on a sleeper train, which turned out to be really freakin awesome. When I was a kid my parents used to calm me down by driving me around the block in the back seat of the car bc I'd fall asleep really easily for some reason. The train ride was about 15 hours from Hanoi to Hoi An and we all slept for most of the way - probably a good 10-12 hours each. It was a great experience and I loved it bc our small room was dark and you could easily sleep or watch the scenery out the window while riding along with the soothing click-clacking of the tracks. Although the food was worse than airplane food and even Oscar, who usually has good things to say about almost everything we ate, said it was complete horse shit.

Vietnam is full of scammers. When we landed at our stop we were barraged immediately by taxi drivers who know we are foreigners and thus all want to scam us out of our money and are yelling 'you want taxi?' and 'i have big taxi!' right in our face. They all will scam you though and you have to be really careful. Oscar made a new rule - never accept anyone who approaches you. This incident was one of the swing reasons why and I'll explain. First, we had about 4-6 guys hovering over us yelling at us to take their taxi and even one guy would listen into our conversation right behind our backs. One guy offered $15 to Hoi An city and after negotiations we got him down to $10 and we accepted and started walking out, only to be approached by another guy who reduced his price to $9. We started an all out price war that stopped when a *really* sketchy guy who probably wasn't even a taxi driver offered $6 and we jumped on it. We weren't really going with him bc he was sketchy as hell - he didn't have a real taxi, just a dirty old minivan that screamed "kill you and dump your bodies in the river". We were really just bluffing the other guy who then immediately dropped his price to $6 and we took him as he said something angrily in Vietnamese without even trying to hide it. And $6 is a good rate - these guys just hate missing out on charging the hell out of foreigners.

The man's driving was insane. I'm not even sure I can describe to you accurately how insane it was without showing you a video taken from the back seat. Letisha screamed "Oh God" at least 4 times and had to stop watching the road bc he almost side swiped a biker or we were in the oncoming lane with a large bus or truck coming towards us and he cut off a biker or pedestrian at the last minute to cut back into the right lane. Which is ironic bc it was really just a wide dirt road and there were no "lanes" just you're supposed to know which side of the road to keep on. There were tons and tons of bikers on the road that we were constantly passing and the taxi driver was pumping his horn for all it was worth. I'm surpised it was still working when he was done with it. And then he refused to take us to our hotel. We showed him a map and pointed to a popular street in central Hoi An and said we had reservations at a hotel right there which was a lie but otherwise he would take us to every hotel on the way and insist we stay there bc he will get commission. Although, he still tried to drop us off at every hotel on the way and we kept explaining to the hotel staff of greeted us at the taxi window that we have paid and have reservations at some other hotel already and they were very nice and explained to the asshole taxi driver that we had already paid for another hotel. This happened no less than 3 times and eventually he got fed up and told us a broken English variation of "this road is closed to cars so I'll have to drop you off here". And then he insisted we pay $10 instead of $6 for the ride... Just to put it into perspective, $4 is 64,000 Dong (Vietnamese currency...yes we made tons of jokes) and you can eat *really* well at a nice restaurant or cafe for about 45,000 Dong. And those are tourist prices so the locals can live much much cheaper, in fact, Oscar said the average daily wage is about $2. After he overcharged us angrily, he asked to give him our train ticket stubs, which we knew he wanted so he could sell them on the black market... Vietnamese just don't seem to understand the "don't piss in your own cantene" rule.

We decided to pay the bastard instead of screw around with him any longer, especially bc he was finally within walking distance of where we wanted to be. We ended up finding a nice cafe and *did* eat *really* well for about 40,000 dong each and then found a very nice Chinese traditional hotel for $5 per night per person. And our waiter tried constantly to sell us pot or to make our food "happy" food for us.

For six hours we then wandered the streets of Hoi An, a town of tailors. We checked out so many places and ordered so much. This was part of the reason why we came on the trip, so we took full advantage of it. We of course all got fitted for suits (Letisha with a dinner dress) and walked around while constantly be guilted into looking into a bunch of shops. I'll post later the complete list of what I got.

That night we had midnight dinner at a restaurant on the river and then hung out at the bar next door. And this "bar" wasn't much more than a bamboo and straw hut with walls that fold up but the music was flowing along with the drinks so it was pretty nice. I had two and a half "buckets" of vodka-coke - a bucket being a small goldfish bowl. Earlier at the restaurant, Darcy had hit it off with the waitress who was pretty cute and friendly and I'm positive she was targeting him bc he was a foreigner and also bc Darcy is loose with money. She had told us to meet her at the bar we were at so she showed up too and we all played some foosball while Darcy flirted with that chick... I think her name is Foo or something. Anyway, we all went back and he stuck around with Foo for a while and eventually came home later after we were all asleep.

Darcy has a problem with chicks and money and he needs to get his head together on it... Before leaving for Thailand, we had all discussed and joked about who we'd all have to keep an eye on for the trip. They all thought it may be me bc I'm a jokester and I love Asian girls but we were slowly realizing that Darcy was by far the most uncautious and the one to keep an eye on. Letisha summed it up that night by saying to Darcy, "you remind me exactly of an eight year old". We all had our quirks so I'm not trying to take a piss on Darcy, but he was a total handful... Especially for me bc Oscar and Letisha were spending much more time together so I hung out with and roomed with Darcy for the second half of the trip. I think the reason he irks me so much is that he's a *lot* like my older brother and so instantly he inherits all the frustration that goes along with that which is admittedly a lot. I'm trying my best to be patient with him and I know he's not my older brother so I catch myself when I'm projecting that frustration onto him but it does wear me down after a while. He also turned out to be the big spender and didn't get a whole lot of value out of his money either. His only suit was a 100% blue/purple silk suit with matching belt and shirt ($120) and he got another suit jacket made of purple velvet ($50). He also commissioned a brown leather jacket ($70) from one lady, only to be told later by a shoemaker who made him a black seude leather cowboy hat ($20) that his brown jacket was fake leather. So he had the shoe maker make him a real black seude leather jacket ($110) identical to his first fake leather one. I don't remember what else he got but only real useful item was his black leather shoes. Perhaps the funniest story - we all went to perhaps the most expensive and posh suit shop in town (it looked like a real shop) and commissioned satin pajamas. Not only did we get tailor made, custom to fit, designed satin pajames...but Darcy went in three times to try them on until he was satisfied with the fit. Now *that* is the definition of "excessive"...

We spent four days total roving the lovely streets of Hoi An, which Oscar got many pictures of. It was weird bc the town reminded us a lot of a Mediterranean town and some parts of it were very scenice despite the rubble and trash in the streets. Sadly, we spent a ton of time in tailor shops checking up on things and getting fitted so we didn't get to explore as much as we'd have liked. Also, everyone always wanted to go out until late at night and that means sleeping in the next morning and wasting half a day asleep. I wanted to go out and I went out bc I don't want to be antisocial, but I thought it would have been better if we'd have woken up early instead and enjoyed the town. One morning I woke up at 7am and wandered the streets on my own for an hour or two. The town was totally different than at 10am and it's really great to see people in their daily life before the tourists wake up and they don't even shout at you to come into their shop so it was nice for a change. In the end after four days, I ended up with a wool/cashmere black suit ($75), black blazer with pinstripes ($40), satin pajamas ($20), a cordoroy jacket with silk lining completely designed by me ($50), brown leather shoes ($35), 7 dress shirts ($72), one silk shirt ($10), a pair of tailor made puma rip offs ($15), four pairs of dress socks ($6), and a wool coat ($35). I usually don't drop money like that on clothes all at once but outside of 'tailor town' everything would have cost a *ton* more and I did need a lot of it.

The "VIP Bus" turned out to be a shitty old Nissan mini-van. The "peaceful boatride" turned out to be some rusty old boats rowed by old ladies and the water almost flooded our boat many many times. The "hike through the forest" turned out to be a hike up rocky terrain through an infinite number of shops where no matter the situation the vender asks you if you want to buy something and when you turn them down they offer something else... The "perfume pagoda" turned out to be a shrine in a cave... I shit you not. The only cool part was the unmentioned temple site we went to tour and it was fairly large and scenic. Also, I climbed onto one of their mythical statues of a dragonish doggish animal and rode it like a horse. I have a blurry picture to prove it. Bigfoot it in there too if you squint hard enough. One side note - be wary of senile old men who grunt at you at temples...

It's been about four days since my last post and I'm now in Hanoi, Vietnam. Our plan all along has been to travel Vietnam from top to bottom in about 10 or so days and this is the first leg of our journey. First though, I'll detail my last days in Thailand.

My last day on Koh Samet was a bit nice. After making the last post, I immediately left with Oscar and we headed back to our bungallow and parked our motorbikes out front. Darcy and Letisha joined us and we headed out for breakfast to the west side of the island that we had gone to the night before for the massages. This time of day the tide was really high so there wasn't much beach but we found a nice place to eat breakfast on the far end of the beach. It couldn't have been more scenic - we were sitting in whicker and bamboo bench chairs over a bamboo and whicker table sitting in the sand with the tide of clear blue water washing up just to our feet. Just after placing our order, we realized the tide was in fact rising and the table would soon be under water so we had to move under the main roof of the bamboo thatched roof open-air restaurant. I also bought a nice large silk cloth from a guy wandering around selling his wares to foreigners. I believe it cost me about $3 for a silk cloth with a Thai elephant print about four feet by six feet. Our breakfast of kings cost about $3 each and Darcy and Oscar descided it was time to shoot a short film.

We headed out to an open area of trails that ran in a circle around a reservoir and began filming. Some background: Darcy is the vainest guy ever to roam the earth. He's not that bad of a guy, just really vain. He is, however, in all honesty a very large guy who is confident and does have a good record with the ladies, in the short term anyway. I'm sure anyone would be able to glean that from the contents of the 'movie' we shot that day. It was basically Darcy trying to look cool on a motorcycle - a few shots of me, Darcy, and Oscar revving our engines and then speeding off. Then a few with Darcy blaring past the camera, then a few with Darcy sliding his bike to a stop. It also ate up about half our day, which sucked. After this we had to return the bikes so we dropped them off and headed to the beach where we ran into Wijit again. Letisha got a butterfly on her back left shoulder and a flowery vine down her right wrist/hand ending on her middle finger. Now when she flips us off constantly for making black or women jokes it has a nice touch to it. :) I got a nice cliche symbol on my back - 'ohm' meaning 'home' in a Buddhist sense but I mainly liked the design. Darcy cheesily enough asked to get 'I am handsome' in Thai on his back, which Wijit did for him freehand and it was freaking awesome. In fact, Wijit did everything extremely fast and it looked really good - he even made up some of Letisha's hand one as he went and it looks very professional.

After this we checked out a 'restaurant' we had noticed the other night. There was an area about 20 feet from the ocean where there was no beach but just large rocks with grassy areas between them large enough for a table about 3 feet by 6 feet. On these tables were candles and lanterns and there were bamboo mats placed over the grassy area with cushions to sit on and drammatic lighting placed among the rocks. Our meals included my 'porklion' steak and two strawberry lassies (shakes) and banana fritters, Darcy's t-bone steak with strawberry shake, Letisha's seabass with rice and two shakes, and Oscar's fillet mignon with two shakes. The final bill came out to about $5 per person for this feast among the rocks on the beach of a tropical paradice :) After this we headed down the beach but most people had gone home to the mainland since it was a Sunday night and we stopped at a place with absolutely no people but it had the same low table with bamboo mats and cushions on the sand about 20 feet from the waves. Me and Oscar shared a Thai whiskey mix bucket and Letisha had an 'orgasm' while Darcy the dry guy had just a kiwi shake. After this we headed back and slept, boarding the boat for the mainland the next morning.

Once on mainland, we took the four hour vanride back to Bangkok and we all hit up an internet cafe to check email while Oscar scouted for places to stay on Kawzan road. We ended up at a semi-alright place for about $2 per night, but it was right over the street and loud all night long. Basically, the places we usually stayed at in the city were 'hostels' - really just a hallway of rooms that were just large enough for two single beds and a ceiling fan and the ceilings were usually open at the top so you could totally hear and be heard throughout the hallway. We also got our passports back from the travel agency on Kawzan road that had sent them out to get visa's for Vietnam. Travelling back to M.B.K. mall, everyone but me got cheap sheets for the beds while I got one long cloth made of something like silk but more like cotton, I forget the name but it's super smooth and warm...starts with a 'p'. Me and Oscar decided to crash once we got back to the hostel, while Darcy and Letisha hit the local club scene which was later recounted as not that great.

The next day we rocked up to the airport early for our 10:20am flights to Hanoi, Vietnam. We flew Air Asia and it was a small but very comfortable plane. From experience and what I've heard, asian airlines tend to be much more comfortable with much nicer and cuter stewardesses so it was a great change from the norm I'm used to now. Landing in Hanoi, it was immediately obvious we were in a communist country - guards in those funny German WWII'ish uniforms holding AK47's on just about every block. The airport was as bland as they come so we quickly headed out by taxi, with Oscar telling the man we wanted to go to The Backpackers' Hostel in Hanoi and showed him the address. Just before getting in the taxi we pulled money out of the ATM's in the airport. It turns out that the Vietnamese currency is the 'Dong' and many jokes were made, which I won't repeat here bc they are oh so numerous and you can probably work a bit of them out on your own. It also turns out that about 16,000 dong is one dollar so we decided to pull out about a million dong each. The only problem is, things usually cost about 5 to 10 thousand dong and the 100,000 and 50,000 dong bills we received from the machine were about useless in daily life. One quick quote made by Letisha that was mostly unintentional: "Oscar, hurry up and pull your dong out of the machine and let's get out of here".

One thing immediately became apparent about the differences between Vietnam and Thailand - Vietnam has a very French style in the architecture and the drivers pretty much just lean on the horn the entire time they are driving. Mostly to let the people around them know that they're still there. Also, there were a ton of the cliche 'cone hat' people working in the fields and carrying those poles of balanced baskets over their shoulders. When we landed in Hanoi, a guy shook my hand as I got out of the cab and welcomed me to The Backpackers' Hotel and quickly ushered us all four inside and to a room. He was being suspiciously nice and in a rush to book us when Oscar mentioned that his brother Max had left some items a month ago and he had come to pick them up. The guy didn't speak English that well and tried to play it off but Oscar looked carefully and noticed that not only was this The Backpackers' Hotel and not The Backpackers' Hostel, but the address was completely wrong, which the man entirely refused was true. Oscar ended up convincing the man (which was difficult) to use the phone to call "someone about his brother" and the place we really wanted to stay at sent us a man over on a motorbike with a map. Evidently this kind of copy-cat hustle happens all the time and the cabbie makes a cut from it by bringing people to the wrong place. This was the first of many times getting ripped off in Hanoi so far.

We decided to walk to the hostel so we could check out the city and also it wasn't but like one mile and he had given us a map. On the way we got ripped off like three times by street venders because we don't know the expected price of local goods and foods as well as the phrase 'hell no, you said it was 5,000 Dong and I gave you 10,000 so I want my change back!' Walking around here is insane - crossing streets is basically just a 'use the force' method. You literally have to just start walking and the motorcycle traffic that zooms by will whizz around you as you cross so long as you stay at a slow and steady pace. And honking is used so constantly it sounds almost like freaky deaky music.

The hostel was nice - hot water shower and very clean with sheets and owned and operated by Autralians and Englishmen. We then hit the town for a bit and ended up at the lake in the middle of the Old Quarter section of Hanoi. There was a temple there but it was closed for the night so we headed back out and met up with a man who was selling books. Like every other street vendor, he approached us and tried to sell us everything he had to which we less and less politely declined. Oscar said that because the prices are so fluid and unset in Asian countries, it's best to say that you're from a poor country so they don't rip you off so bad - his first sentence to the guy was 'oh, i'm from Polland...very poor country.' The man did speak surprisingly good English, however, and we got to chatting and he introduced himself as Hue from the countryside outside of Hanoi. He said he was a student taking English and studying to become a tourguide. The books he and every other vendor sells are photocopies of the real books and aren't that great of quality so we got the price down a bit on some postcards and a phrasebook that Oscar wanted. He then said he'd give us a tour around Hanoi for cheap because he wanted to become a tourgiude, and we accepted and set the time for 3pm the next day. After this we were walking back and ran into a group of people playing a game in the street. It was like hackey-sack but the 'sack' looked more like a shuttlecock from badmitton and these guys were kicking it around like they were throwing karate kicks. We played with them for about 15 minutes until one of them accidentally kicked a motorcycly that pulled up behind him. We were literally playing *in* the street after all. By the time we got back home, I was so tired I was falling over asleep so I stripped and crawled into bed.

I awoke at 9am the next morning and took my first long hot shower in a long time. Oscar and Letisha were up by this time so we headed out for a bit - deciding to first see Ho Chi Mihn's body at the mauseleum. Evidently the only real way to get around out here is to walk to the street and wait about half a second for a man on a motorcycle to ride up and offer you a ride. The standard price is about $1 (which is really good for them) and we hopped on the backs and headed off to the mauseluem.

I'm now in Hoi An, Vietnam and it took me a while to find an internet cafe so I'll finish this post finally.

So when I first heard about riding random motorcycles around town I was pretty unsure about it. First of all, my parents are insanely paranoid about motorcycles and have tried to pass that down to me. But you know what they say - when in Rome, ride motorcycles. So now I don't hesitate to jump on the back of some Vietnamese guy's bike at 2am and speed down the old bumpy streets of Vietnam wearing only jeans, a t-shirt, and flipflops. After seeing the things that the people here do (such as a full four-person family on a bike) I have some pretty good faith in their skills.

Anyway, the commie museum is where we sped off towards. We actually wanted to see the mauseleum where they keep Ho Chi Minh's body on display, but the guy dropped us off in front of the museum instead. After taking many pictures and commenting on how communist the building looked, we began to once again be hassled by the locals. In Hanoi, you can't walk five feet without someone trying to scam you so you really just have to ignore them or give them a really steely 'no' and then ignore them. This guy wasn't having any of it. One popular scam is to offer you a tour of the city. Oscar had fallen prey to this a few times before and on his advice we all believe him. After shaking the guy off, we continued towards the actual mauseleum which was across the road and stopped by some nice little pagodas and temples on the way.

On reaching the mauseleum, I realized my huge mistake. The museum was in fact *not* the most communist/fugly building ever - the mauseleum proudly takes that medal home. Nothing could be more fugly than the Ho Chi Minh mauseleum - it's made of giant cubes of granite or something and it's entirely two bland colors without a curve in the entire building and the area in front of it: a large strip of communist parade road with flood lighting and bullhorns. The mauseleum too was sadly closed because the body was sent off to Moscow or something for annual retouching. But we did get to see the changing of the guards and that was pretty cool but really short. Just like communists - everything is really functional and non-stylized.

So we walked to the end of the area and like always, some guys ride up in bikes asking if we need a ride. In Thailand, the game is called haggling and it's acceptable for the seller to offer an insanely high price followed by your insanely low price until you meet somewhere in the middle. In Vietnam the game is called patience, because they offer an insanely high price and you keep insisting on a reasonable price until they give in. At times, it requires walking away in disgust followed quickly by them realizing they're losing out on a lot of money (for them) and they drastically lower the price. It's a hassle because then they don't leave you alone the entire trip about 'you want hotel?' or 'you want tour of city?' or 'you want massage?' or 'this road no take bike' or 'i take you to restaurant' and you just have to keep firm and so 'no you bastard, take me to where i asked'.

After a bit of this, we ended up at the old prison, now museum, and accidentally double paid the guy because we weren't paying attention to one another...that's like a full day's wages for these guys too. The prison was cool but exactly what you'd expect from a communist museum - their version of history revolves around the liberation of the people from the clutches of foreign invaders. They even talked about how the American army inflicted 'untold attrocities' to the Vietnamese people and that the American POW's were not taken revenge upon and were treated like kings in the prison, along with pictures that looked pretty contrived. Oh well.

The food in Vietnam is really dirty for the most part by the way. Oscar is much more adventurous than I am on this as I refuse to eat in a sketchy stall on the side of the road in a city where they literally just throw all their garbage into the gutter and it stinks like vomit. Uggh, it's completely inedible. And the bad thing is that most people in Hanoi can't make change for the bills that you get out of the ATM. For instance, pho soup may cost 8,000 Vietnamese Dong and the ATM gives us money in 50,000 dong notes. The stall lady doesn't have change for 50,000 notes let alone from two different people. So we went to the bank to split them and generally give the tellers a headache. Also, I don't know if they just never see black people here or not, but Letisha gets stared at unashamedly almost constantly. It's almost as if she were painted green with purple hair and umbrellas growing out of her ass because they don't even attempt to hide their stares.

After a bit we decided to hit the outdoor market area to check out what Hanoi markets are like. Bad idea. Getting there was like playing a human game of Frogger and the market was the biggest insane communist mess I've ever laid eyes on. I can't even explain the mess - large crowded stalls all looking like one another, selling the same things, narrow walkways, people carting goods all over the place, and just a general mess. Speaking of communism, all shops look exactly same and sell exactly the same things and it's really weird.

We barely made it in time to meet Hue for our tour. We had met him yesterday when he tried to sell us books and he said he would give us a tour around Hanoi. Oscar is wise to this kind of trick and warned us but we hoped he had good intentions so we went anyway. He really just took us walking around the city and to markets and things and basically didn't do jack shit. We're almost sure he gets commission from what he convinces us to buy from venders, and he tries to convince us that he can get lower prices than we can bc he's a native. Later we discussed when he wasn't looking and decided to force him to take us to a temple where he was impatient and kept wanting us to leave. Basically, we were being scammed and he just wanted to cart us around town so we can buy shit from people he gets commission from so we decided to pay him $5 for his few hours of hard, hard work and parted ways back for the hostel.

As if five million scams per day aren't enough, while on the way back to the hostel I stopped to check out a pair of shoes through a shop window and instantly a woman runs up from behind me and throws her bamboo balance carrier thingy over my shoulder. She tells us to take a picture and then holds out her hand and says "50,000!" as if we're supposed to pay her to take pictures of her (a constant theme here). We settled on just being overcharged for her fruit and tried to scuttle away.

When we got home, the Australian owner of the hostel was having a cookout on the roof so we enjoyed grilled hotdogs and beer while watching a Chinese pirated version of The Anchorman. We also booked a sleeper train for Hoi An for the following night and a trip to a place called The Perfume Pagoda for the next day and then headed off to a place called "Beer Junction" by the local foreigners. Beer Junction was awesome, you walk up and it's really just an intersection where three of the corners are the same bar and you just sit on plastic little tiny chairs out on the sidewalk. And the beer - ten cents per glass. It wasn't entirely foul swill but it wasn't the best of brews around. We really just hit it for a warm up and the idea sounded interesting.

The hostel owner dude also owns a bar called Baracuda on the wrong side of town. We rocked it up and I finally got some decent rum and cokes and foosball. Sadly, while singing and fun abilities go up with drinking... hand eye coordination and reflexes do not so I lost many a foosball game. But it was cool bc we then hit up a dance club which I forgot the name of but was expensive as junk for Vietnam. Highlights include... well nothing really but about when we were going to leave some dudes just started handing us glasses of Hennessy so we toasted many a time and then walked home to sleep it all off.

The last few days in short:

Tuesday I finished my 8 page lit critique paper in 3 hours from start to finish. It was good too - years of procrastination practice paid off! Then I went out to meet my friends for perhaps the last time. We went to an izakaya in Musashisakai and it was alright but I was tired so I passed out from exhaustion in the place. We stayed all night though and caught the first train home in the morning. Some people left early though and we were stuck with a pretty huge bill - over $500, but somehow I doubt 13 of us ordered 72 beers like the receipt said... Akira was really freakin plastered and when we got to the street he realized he had lost his keys. We looked everywhere for them. The second time we went back to check the izakaya we checked around Akira's neck - the keys had been around his neckstrap the whole time... Which instigated drunken train station fights (not serious ones though) while waiting for the train to come. I have videos of it and it's hilarious. Then we caught the last train and I passed out for a while.

Wendesday morning I packed up and moved out of my room at Nishikokubunji Dormy until 1:30pm. I left some things at some friends' places so I wouldn't have to pay any rent while I was gone. The funny thing is I never signed by lease contract for the dormy but oh well. Then me, Oscar, Letisha, and Darcy left for Narita Airport where we hopped a plane to Bangkok, Thailand. After the 6 hour flight, we land in Thailand and notice just how different it is from Japan. Signs everywhere say things like: being caught with drugs will get the death penalty, insulting a security officer will land you in jail, etc. And it was pretty freakin hot - and it's the cold season right now :-/ We hopped into a Taxi and headed for Kawzan Road (spelling?) where we could find lodging. Basically, we all had trusted Oscar when he said that he had been to Thailand before and knew what to do.

Turns out he was right - we had no problems finding lodging. In fact, it was $4 per night. The taxi ride was like 30 minutes and costed less than $4 as well. Upon landing at Kawzan Road and getting a room to chuck our things in we headed out. By the way, my 'luggage' consisted of: a pair of shorts, a stick of deoderant, and the Oct 14th copy of The Economist. :-D The place we ate at was a toursity piece of shit so we found some more street venders on the road - like 40 cents for a stick of barbequed chicken compared to Tokyo's about $1.25 for a smaller stick of chicken. The streets of Bangkok remind me of movies about post apocoliptic futures where the streets are filled with chaos and flaming piles of trash and people are filling the streets going every which way erratically. Pretty interesting stuff.

On Thursday we checked out of our meager hotel and went in search for a better one. We found one on the main street right in the middle of the street market and the price for the VIP room - about $5 per person per night. Sweet. We then hopped into a tuk-tuk for M.B.K. shopping mall. A tuk-tuk is weird - think of a tricycle mating with a taxi. M.B.K. is a ginormous shopping mall that's just like an outdoor market with all the craziness but under a nice roof. I spent about $120 but I pulled away with: 2 pair of Diesel jeans - custom fit, a Diesel backpack, a Diesel shoulder pack, three pair of Thai silk boxers, two leather belts custom fitted length, a hat, three polo shirts, three tee shirts, a pair of Burkenstocks, Diesel swimming trunks, and a nice long sleeve shirt. This is why I brought such little luggage - Oscar said we could fill up for pretty cheap so that's what I planned on. Besides, I was in need of many of those items so it all worked out. Still carrying all of our things - me and Oscar went to a bathroom and metamorphed from bums into very nicely dressed gentlemen. Well, he is a gentleman - I'm pretty crass :) Then we went to a very nice restaurant and feasted for rougly $5 per person...Thailand is nice. Afterwards, we caught the skytrain and a taxi and headed back to the hotel. On the roof is a pool, internet cafe, massage center, and bar. We check out massages ($5 per hour) but they ended too soon so we just swam then went back to our room. I had a history research paper due Friday that I hadn't started writing, let alone researching on. But I passed out at midnight and woke up when Oscar and Letisha came back at 3am from the bars.

At this point, I woke up and shot out of bed - my grade for history will depend on my paper so it needed to be done immediately. I went to the 24 hour internet cafe, plopped down, put a coin into the machine to start the computer, and began my paper. Between 3am and 11am I researched and wrote a pretty nice paper. Procrastination practice really *does* pay off - don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. We then headed out to get food and such and check out a temple and the king's palace. Sadly the palace was closed for the day and we weren't dressed right for it (no sandals, bare shoulders, etc). So we decided to skip the temple too because the sky was about to fall out - dark clouds everywhere. We headed for the river to take shelter because we were going to ride a boat to another outdoor market soon anyway. Right when we got to shelter it looked like someone turned on the faucet. Asian countries, especially tropical ones like Thailand, have flash rains that last about one hour and then it's blue skies again. Soin the meantime we had some lunch and got some pictures. The lady who owned the restarant seemed to really like Oscar - she took pictures of us and got a picture of her kissing Oscar's cheek...she was old too. I have a great picture of her with her arms around me and Darcy too... just classic.

After the rain stopped we hopped on a boat for Pap Pong outdoor market. The boat looked like a covered version of Venice's canal boats - except instead of manually rowed there was a car engine mounted in the back and the drive shaft was connected to a propeller... I swear everything in Thailand is extremely ghetto rigged. And while I'm on stereotyping - everyone I ever see is either eating, laying down chilling out, or trying to sell things. That's it. Everywhere you look it's like no one is really working. So anyway, the boat ride. During the ride we saw nice temples all the way, then it started flash raining again and we got soaked even though the boat was covered - it was a really skinny boat so the rain pelted us from the sides.

At Pap Pong - we were dried off quickly in our new pimpin clothes and we went to the market. Darcy and I bought fake watches and then Oscar said we had to check out the 'ping pong show' because it was an interesting experience. I won't go into what it was but I'll say this: pings pongs, darts shooting out balloons, shooting bananas, bicycle horn, cigarette, ribbons, etc. It definitely *was* an interesting experience. Darcy picked up a girl there and everyone was kinda like 'what the hell are you doing?' even though he just wanted to hang out with her for a while. We headed back and went to sleep at this point after wandering the streets getting food.

The day before we had reserved a bus and boat to Ko Samet - an Island in the south-east of Thailand, for $12 each. We left early Saturday morning and after the 'bus' (old mini-van) and boat ride we landed on the island at about 1pm. We found some lodging for $10 per night and some motorbikes for $7 for 24 hours. It was hilarioud - I have never driven let alone ridden on one before and it was obvious none of us really knew what we were doing but he didn't care. No forms even and Oscar didn't have deposit money so he just was like 'whatever' and let us ride off. Wow, Thailand is chelled out.

Then we rode around for a bit and ended up at a dead end on the most scenic beach I've ever seen. White sand, blue seas, tropical surroundings... we ditched our bikes right on the shore next to a palm tree and headed to the beach bar. We were like on a small raised platform with cushions and a low table with incense burning underneath to fend off bugs and mosquitos. I got a Heineken and banana fritters and we just relaxed for a while. It was so unreal and I still can't believe I'm here. Oscar and Letisha decided to swim for a bit but me and Darcy got hour long massaged for $7 each. Then we headed back and got lost a little on the island trails because it was now dark but it's a small island so we found our way back.

We then huffed it by foot down to the beach in search for food. We saw what looked like an upside down clear trashbag with a flame under it - it was actually made of paper with some kind of wax burning thing under it. The smoke fills the paper bag and it becomes lighter than the air around it and floats just like a hot-air balloon. We got one and sent it off - some really nice guy came up and introduced himself and told us about himself in English and told us that the thing we sent off (dubbed the S.S. Awesome by Darcy) signified sending off your bad luck. The really nice Thai guy's name is Wijit and he turned out to be a tattoo artist, his name ironically meaning 'artist' in Thai. We told him about us and that we'd be around for a bit and maybe we'd see him around and get a henna tattoo from him. He then told us to 'watch out for the lady-boys' and bid us a good night...

We walked more down the beach and found a large area where thin sheet carpet was laid over the sand with low tables on the beach with candles. There were tons of people and we made some friends at a table and got some Thai whiskey and chips. The couldn't talk English very well but we managed. At this point I was passing out from not getting any sleep over the last week and the place closed so we headed back. On the way we got pics posing with some statues and everyone went to swim in the ocean at midnight but I headed back bc I was falling asleep.

I can't believe I'm on this tropocal paradise riding around on my motorbike and paying $2 for feasts. More to come!

I wasted time to write up my schedule for the next few days. Also, I am now listening to Akira's greatest hits. I 'borrowed' his music through iTunes using a program called ourTunes... you should check it out. Basically, anyone on the network who has iTunes will be sharing music and you can 'borrow' it from them. I 'borrowed' 728 songs that I liked from Akira downstairs.

Sunday	History response papers (x4) Study for Japanese Oral Exam (read stories, look back on hw) History Research Paper (do minimal research, finish outline) Lit Analysis Paper (read story, finish outline)
Monday	8:50am – Turn in History response papers Study for Japanese Oral Exam 1:00pm – Japanese Oral Interview Move stuff to Darcy’s Apartment History Research Paper Lit Analysis Paper
Tuesday	8:50am – Japanese Final Exam 4:00pm – Tutor Akari History Research Paper Lit Analysis Paper
Wednesday	Turn in Lit Analysis Paper Turn in History Research Paper Move stuff to Darcy’s Apartment 2:00pm – Leave Dorm for Narita

D sent me this link (http://www.whoomp.com/articles/163/1/He-Man-does-4-non-blondes) If you remember He-Man it'll probably bust your sides open with laughter. Otherwise it's still pretty funny.

Which reminds me of all the things I miss about the States. One being decent pizza (http://steelwhitetable.org/blog/archives/2004/07/26/japanese-pizza/). I can't say I've been in this country long enough to know for sure but I really like it here, particularly around the university area. I also don't remember what it's like to pay less than an arm and a leg for things, but to be honest I think people usually get it wrong about Tokyo being expensive. The truth is, Tokyo is really expensive but you can always find good deals if you know where to look. For instance, I bought a really cool jacket the other day at a store called U2 near Ameyoko in Ueno but I paid a lot less than it would have been in America. On top of that, street markets are super cheap and you can get really good clothes for cheaper than in the States. Of course none of it is really name brand stuff but still it's really pretty decent quality, especially for the price - $3 for a long sleeve shirt and $8 for a dress shirt?

And then there's food. I'd say food here tends to be cheaper than the states if you know how to eat right. For one - when on a budget eat at McDonald's, heheh. You can get a full meal for $3.50 about analogous to a basic combo in the States. Also raamen, udon, and tempura shops tend to be like old school diners in the States and are really cheap depending on where you go.

Transportation is expensive though - my cost for traveling from my off campus dorm to school is about $4 one way, but I bought a train pass for $100 for three months so it's knocked down to only $2 each way. And taxis are pretty brutal. In the States I once took a taxi from the airport and it cost me $30 for about a 30 minute trip. My buddy Oscar just took a taxi home the other night and I bet it was about 15 minutes or less and it cost about $40.

But the wages you earn here are higher than where I'm from by far. The minimum you'll earn for a job is usually about $8 per hour and if you have any kind of office job then you get paid rather well. I tutor a young girl in English for one hour per week and get compensated about $40, and I'm told this is about average. I've heard that untrained tutors can easily get hourly compensation of about $50 for merely speaking in English and helping with pronunciation with local jobs set up through our university!

Living costs are pretty freakin high but maybe not as high as New York. I was looking around at small apartments and there's one that's about 10'x10' with rent at $300 per month. There was also a small bathroom (read: airplane size) and a hearth area to leave your shoes when you walk it. Basically anything similar to what you're used to would cost a lot more unless it's in the boonies and far from the train station.

Ok, enough. I need to start on my bajillion things to turn in on Monday.

I made sure to wake up today. I had to first revise my history oral report at the library and then somehow study for Japanese. The oral report turned out okay...the Japanese exam, not so much. I didn't realize it before but I think I'm sick or something because my throat is pretty raw and I must have had a fever. This also didn't help the listening and essay makeup exam that afternoon... I spent six freakin hours today taking Japanese exams. But I tend to do alright on essays so I'm hopeful about it.

The make up made me late for my Japanese Society class where we were watching a movie. It was the weirdest movie ever: when people die they go to this place that looks like an old college building, the workers there ask them to pick one memory from their entire life, they use antiquated filming techniques and recreate that memory, the person watches the memory in a film screening theater and magically disappears to spend eternity with just that one memory. Missing the first half of the movie, I was struggling just to piece that information together let alone figure out what all the character interactions were. To quote Strongbad, Japanese movies are weeeeird maaaan.

Oscar, Akira, Leah, and probably a few more people just finished a giant International Relations project or something and they were celebrating at a place called NYX. NYX has great chips and "tako-takos" so I met them there after class ended at 7pm. Being in Japan is really awkward and funny sometimes as a foreigner and this was one of those times. NYX is tiny (it seats like less than 20) and a white guy named James just started talking with me because we were a group of foreigners. He ended up buying us shots of tequila and telling me his life plan which involves funneling money into poor countries. He was a pretty interesting guy and he works with translating mutual funds into English so I'll have to keep him in mind with contacts. I had to leave to catch the train but evidently Oscar, who I thought was leaving right after me, got convinced to stay for one more beer paid for by James and then James gave him about $55 to cover the taxi ride since he missed the last train to hang out. But the taxi ride was only about $35 so Oscar actually *made* money tonight. Every week here is filled with random little situations like that and there seems to be no shortage of new people who just run into you and chat for a while. Not just foreigners either - Japanese are rigid when sober but when hanging out they can really loosen up...sometimes to much and end up dropping their pants but that's a new one for me.

Which reminds me of what happened on the way home. Riding the last or nearly last trains in Tokyo is sure to give new experiences every time. Last night I caught the second to last train at 12:47am and I see mostly businessmen asleep on their way home. A side note: they say that businessmen read porn on the trains because they're so busy they don't have any other time to read it. In reality, I hardly ever see that but sometimes you'll see a businessman perusing the pages of his favorite smut magazine and everyone acts like it's normal and doesn't make a spectacle of it. But I'm still not used to it so when I stepped onto the train I about busted out laughing at a businessman who was proper passed out (head cocked back, mouth gaping open) holding a bundled of papers cradled and propped up in his lap like a baby with a porn magazine heading up the visible part of the stack. I really wanted to get a picture because he looked like such a perv but for some reason I didn't - mostly bc I didn't want to embarrass the poor guy. And when I got off the train I saw another thing common to late night Tokyo - some businessman lost his cool all over the train platform. He must have been riding the same train as me but one car up because as I approached it looked like he had projectile vomited out the door as it opened, barely making it out of the train in time. It looked like Punch Kool-aid with chunks of watermelon in it and there was sooo much of it. Then I saw him further away from the train near the fence finishing off the job he started.

Ahh, Japan. You and your crazy crazy antics.

Ok, last night we definitely went to Ikkyu. This morning I definitely missed the first of four days of testing.

A bit about last night. I was in the library like a good student until about 9pm. Nik had told me eariler that he and Josh, UK Dave, Charles, and Yuuta were going to Ikkyuu (一休) which prides itself as being the cheapest izakaya in Tokyo. Nik called me at 9:30pm and I could tell he was drunk as he said "Where are you?...it's soo fun here, get down here!" and hung up. It didn't take me long to catch a bus to the station near Ikkuyuu is and as I rode in the bus I was thinking, I know what Nik really meant: I've had too much to drink and I'm having fun. I was *not* looking forward to babysitting a bunch of drunks.

When I got there I could see that everyone had been drinking for a while. Ian and UK Dave were fairly sober, with Ian somehow slamming down beer and not seeming to feel it at all. Nik, Ian, and UK Dave were racing some Japanese at the table next to us and, headed up by Ian, they were killing them. All the food was gone by the time I got there and the table was a freakin mess. Beer spilled all over it, plates piled on top of each other with cold food squeezing out, glasses knocked over, giant beer bottles all over the place, Josh and Charles and Yuuta passed out on each other at one end, spills all over the table, sake cups in beer glasses (they were sake bombing), sake cups in food plates (they were drunk), and on and on. I wish I had gotten a picture of it but it was so disgusting that I was motivated to drink more so I forgot how much of a shithole our table had become before I showed up.

If you've heard me talk about Ikkyuu then you know that I liken it to a mideival drunken bar fight with chickens flying everywhere. Our table trumped that. Not only was the entire bar a drunken mess but our table had three passed out Asians at one end, a sober whitey at the other, a *mess* in between spanning the *entire* table, and three more whiteys turned around to the table beside us drunkenly challenging and singing with locals. This is one hell of a bar and when it's fun - it's fun.

In the end, everyone went home except for me and Nik. And Nike was probably the most drunk guy there from our group while I had been the most sober. So we're basically just trying to finish the drinks and food on the table and then leave and I'm semi-babysitting Nik who keeps turning to me every 10 minutes and saying "uh, I think I'm gonna go throw up a bit now". Awesome company.

The funniest/scariest thing was later on when two more random Japanese guys approached me when Nik was in the middle of one of his bouts wrestling the toilet. The first guy was speaking English or maybe Japanese I can't remember, but either way we were having a pretty basic conversation. Oh, and him and his buddy were totally off their faces. After a few minutes talking, the up until now silent guy must have gotten starved for attention because he dropped his pants and pointed to his wang and announced very boldly in broken English, "I am berry small!". The dude was sitting about 2 feet from me and he definitely exposed himself to this half of the bar...had every other person in the bar not been too freaking hammered to notice. And I have to applaud the bravado of this well refined gentleman for setting the official record straight concerning the actual smallitude of his exposed wang.

Nothing else of interest happened that night except I was a total retard and got off the train one stop too early because "West Country Temple" sounds a lot like "Country Temple" (the translations of the train stops). I caught the next train though, which was a staggeringly late 1:02am bound for Toyoda.


That was last night. This morning I awoke to my alarm, which I promptly slapped into snooze like it owed me money. Lost of money. So much money that it forgot to buzz again and I woke up on my own at around 11:45am - way past the start of my Japanese test. Four days of finals and I'm that bastard that missed the first day. I immediately called Ninomiya sensei and she is so freakin nice she said I could make it up Friday afternoon, which I gladly agreed to, with a 10% deduction.

So basically I stayed in my room and fooled around with my computer and somehow got it working, although I'm pretty sure the hard drive will overheat if the computer is left on for too long. Better than before I suppose. Once I got it running up to speed again it was time for tutoring Akari's English in Shinjuku where her grandma wanted to show me every picture ever taken in Vietnam and Cambodia. I get paid a nice $35 per hour but I only tutor for one hour and usually have to stay for 2-3 hours so it's not always well worth it...

Then it was home again to study for Friday's big tests!

My oral history report got moved with a few others' to Friday so maybe I'll have it better prepared by then... Also, it seems like my computer may not be completely fried - it freezes when loading Windows and I think it was because I was trying to update the hibernation function and it didn't seem to complete right. Anyhow, I reinstalled Windows for perhaps the 91st time this month and I'm downloading a permanent supply of drivers to my USB key. I'm almost ready to slap a Anna Karenanana sticker on it and throw it in front of a train...

Today in Japanese class I looked up the word 'unreasonable' - it's futou or 不当　（ふとう） if you computer can display Japanese. In totally unrelated news I also found out 30 seconds before looking up that word that the last four days of Japanese class will be tests. You read that right each three hour session per day will be testing for four days in a row - Thursday is essay and listening, Friday is on the last half of our book, Monday is oral interviews and reading summaries, and Tuesday is kanji, grammar, vocab, and reading comprehension. Don't ever let anyone tell you the Japanese don't know how to go overboard...

Then I got my midterm paper back in Lit and it was an A-, which I promptly fell asleep on during class :-P Then it was a bit of frisbee on the bakayama greens and I spent like an hour in the bookstore. I'm tempted to buy like a ton of books but I'll wait until at least a few more days - Oscar and David owe me 3400 yen collectively and that should cover them.


To change the subject, I have had a bit of change in heart with cutegirl. I think she *is* acting unreasonably but also I do know that she actually is being hurt by all of this, whether I believe it to be my fault or not...and I don't want to see that. Whatever happens from here, I just don't want to be on bad terms or leave bad feelings as they are so I apologized to her. I want to explain my story of how things have played out but I think that at this point that's just going to fan up dying flames. What I want now is to mend fences and move on from this situation so I'll just have to see what she thinks and we'll deal with it.


I'm really tired... and I miss listening to music.